Follow your own path

Me and my amazing siblings. My sis is 10 years older than me,
and my bro is 2 years younger, all from the same marriage.
(Apparently I was born black... to this day it is still a mystery)

     A middle child in a catholic household, I was always an obedient infant. My mother says she was even worried I had learning disabilities, as I was an unusually quiet and calm kid. My brother and sister had the strong tempers, but not me. I was always known as the more tranquil one in the family. This behavior made my mom so worried, that she scheduled meetings with all of my teachers in order to find out what was going on inside that tiny little brain of mine. And the results finally came: I was apparently a very smart kid. My brother and sister were (and still are) both incredible singers, they knew they wanted to be artists for the rest of their lives and were always "too cool for school". On the other hand, there I was: the “brains” of the family. From then on, my life was pretty much figured out for myself: I was to forever be a math/science geek.

     But I didn't always stay put as the quiet good girl I used to be. At 10 years old, after five years of begging, my mother finally decided to enroll me in violin lessons. By then, I was already becoming the extroverted ball of energy that I still am to this day. They say music and mathematics are the languages of the universe, which is I guess why for a math geek, music seemed to come naturally. And thus I found my second passion... For 10 years I played the violin on a daily basis, and I loved it. Pretty quickly I gained the artistic respect in a family full of musicians, as I kept my place as the first violin in my town's local orchestra for years.

Ugly duckling - exhibit A

     After those awkward years as the skinniest (and definitely not prettiest) metal-faced teen in my school, my braces were finally off at 16, I got a new hairstyle and the “ugly duckling syndrome” hit home. I then became a cheerleader, mathlete, orchestra kid, nerd and fashion model all at once. It was initially overwhelming, but life was good... as I felt like I had the very best of both worlds.
     Up to this day, I've tried really hard to hold on to all of these diverse aspects of my personality, along with all those others that have arisen from my life experiences. In all honesty, the only part I hate about it is the pressure from all the different people in my worlds who pull towards opposite directions. I hate how my “cool” friends or people from the fashion industry look at my “geeky” life and say: “Ugh! Why would you play video games or do this and that? It's not cool.”. I also hate how my other friends look at my job and at my friends who are involved in the fashion industry and automatically think themselves to be smarter, better, or more interesting than anyone inside of it, judging only by their looks.

Modeling for BCBG

     When people look at me now, I think they mostly only see the fashion model and fail to notice all the other parts of who I really am, the parts that I believe even dominate over anything else. Having this experience myself has taught me there's more to everyone than meets the eye. "If she's too attractive, she can't be a real nerd." You can't even begin to imagine how much I dislike hearing this expression, whether it be regarding myself or somebody I don't even know. And now I shall sin by generalizing on stereotypes just like I advice others not to do... but the truth is many nerds have a huge intellectual ego (trust me, I know). They believe that if they think someone is more attractive than them, then most certainly that person cannot be nearly as smart/interesting as them. I am constantly intellectually underestimated, and it sucks.

ALL RIGHTS FOR ALL KINDS OF LOVE!
LOVE DIVERSITY!

     One of the hardest obstacles in my internal journey was letting go of religion. I was raised under a very catholic family, and I went to a catholic school ruled by nuns from first grade all the way through high school. Looking back, I now understand why it was so hard to let go off the idea, for whether it was intentionally or not, I was brainwashed. When I got to college and moved away from home, I got to experience life from many other perspectives, and interacted with people whose reality was very different from mine. Eventually, I wasn't able to wrap my head around many of the things I knew as absolute, unquestionable truths. Today, to the disgrace of many of my close-minded family members, I am not only unreligious, but I am also a strong and active advocate for gay rights, as it is a cause that I hold very close to my heart for many personal reasons.
     Scripts are rubbish. I have struggled with them throughout my whole life, and I would be lying if I said I don't care about them anymore, or I'm completely over it. The truth is that we all care about what other people think, or what image they have of us. I don't buy the whole "right brained/left brained" thing, and the fact that we have to choose which one suits us best, or which side is more developed. Today, I choose to be me. I am proud of who I've been, and I am proud of who I am: an ever-evolving creature that is still finding her place in this immense world of infinite possibilities. That's the script I want to follow.

Left... right... who cares? We all have both, don't we?!